Category Archives: That Kind of Love – Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

The posts in this topic will include encouragement or advice on developing and maintaining healthy Christian relationships, primarily to do with marriage or pre-marriage relationships

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

It Takes Three

“Christ is the head of our household, and love is the language spoken here.”

Several times in recent months, I have seen posts on social media asking what people thought were “essentials” to make a Christian marriage successful. On each of them, I posted the “theme” of our marriage, that I wrote and put on our refrigerator the first week we were married:

“It’s plain to see,
A good marriage takes three.
First, our dear Lord,
Then you, then me!”

Keeping Jesus Christ first and foremost as the head of household is critical.

  • When both of you understand that neither of you is actually, “the boss,” it can eliminate virtually all arguing and disagreements. Yes, the husband is the physical head of household; you are a team with a team leader.
  • When both of you are focused on what will please Christ, it is very difficult for you to treat each other poorly.  His example of serving those he encountered is our example for serving each other; seeing a need even before it is expressed because he was truly looking inside the person.
  • When both of you share the common goal of serving Christ in every aspect of your daily living, you will seldom disagree on any aspect of day-to-day living: where you attend church, who your close friends are, how you will decorate your home, what you will eat.

Will you ever disagree? Probably now and then. But, if you are dedicated to being a true follower of Jesus Christ and a true partner to your sweetheart, disagreements should be few and far between.

God bless you, as you consider these thoughts.

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Two Halves

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      As I was reflecting on the idea of the man and woman in a serious relationship shouting at one another, or making remarks purposely meant to hurt one another, it occurred to me that this type of behavior is totally incompatible with “one flesh.” When a man and woman marry in a Christian relationship, they become truly one flesh under the headship of Christ.
If we take this concept seriously, and as God meant it to be, then it is clear that any time we hurt our sweetheart, we are truly hurting ourselves. My husband and I are each half of a whole. We are connected, through Christ, literally. Therefore, if I was to lash out at him in anger (much less physically lash out – a totally foreign concept to me), I would literally be hurting my own self. Now, who in their right mind would choose to do that?

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If a Christian couple argues and fights, then I would have to question whether they were truly one flesh. That would be an indication to me that they had some serious work to do on their marriage and their relationship, both with Christ and with each other.
One of the reasons I choose to not “hang out” much of the time with most of my women friends (including some of the Christian ones) is that I find it very difficult to enjoy the company of people who spend far too much time criticizing and tearing down the person who is supposed to be the other half of their whole. I have been around women who scarcely have anything to say that does not involve complaining about their husbands.
Please examine your attitude toward your husband or wife; and if your conversations not only about him or her, but with him or her are characterized by criticism and discontent, I would urge you to pray for a heart of compassion and kindness and true love toward the other half of your whole – sooner than later! It is not God’s plan for us to tear apart His workmanship. Love your everyday valentine with your whole heart!

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Sweet Fellowship – Prayer and Praise

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The third part of our daily fellowship comes right after our sharing of our morning mocha – and should be the beginning of every couple’s perfect day. Prayer – together – always!

Many couples with whom we are acquainted do a morning prayer time, but too many of them pray apart from one another, not together. My sweetheart leads our morning prayer and I chime in as I am led to pray for a particular individual or circumstance. Pray for your children, pray for your parents, pray for your siblings, pray for your community, pray for your church family, pray for your pastor, pray for your co-workers, pray for your neighbors, pray for our nation and  the leaders of our nation. Pray for the gospel to reach all the peoples of the Earth. This fellowship opportunity not only keeps you in “prayer mode,” but it helps you to each know what is on the heart of the other. It is a sharing of lives and time that is essential to a strong Christian marriage relationship.

A couple should begin this activity during their courtship by finding a time, whether it be following a meal together or in the car as he drives her home from a “date” to pray together for whatever happens to be on each of their hearts at the time. The practice of praying together is not limited to post-marriage fellowship time. It is a lifelong habit that should be developed early on in a relationship between a man and a woman – whether they are young or older.

God desires for us to be in the habit of praying for one another. Make it a priority!

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Sweet Fellowship – In His Word

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Together in the Word – that should be the desire of the hearts of every Christian couple, married or not yet married, today. Who you are as a couple is who you are in Christ.

Although a couple does not have to share every interest and activity to succeed over the long term, the more interests and activities you share, the stronger you may expect your bond to be.

Among the top activities a Christian couple should share is time together in God’s Word. When and how this takes place will depend entirely on your schedules and lifestyle. For us, it is the last thing we do before we go to sleep. Each night, whether we are at home or on vacation, my husband reads a devotional out loud to both of us, including the accompanying Scripture passage.twobibles

It is nothing short of amazing how often this devotional fits exactly in with some challenge or obstacle or blessing we have had on that day! God is so good, and the insight He gives to those who write the devotionals is so perfect!

Whether or not you also undertake an individual study time or quiet time with the Lord each day – just you and Him – there is nothing that replaces that time together as a couple. The glue that holds Christian marriages together is Christ. He must be at the center. And studying Scripture together helps keep that center in focus – not just now and then, but every day of every year.

Commit today to partake of that sweet fellowship with your spouse. Morning, noon or night – it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do it!

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Sweet Fellowship – Morning Mocha

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One of the sweet fellowship opportunities that I believe many couples miss out on is morning coffee together. Each morning – and yes, we’re talking about seven days a week – my amazing husband brings me coffee in bed. While he is down the hall lovingly stirring in the homemade dark chocolate cocoa mix, I prop up the pillows and make the bed ready for him to slip back in and share our morning fellowship time.

On weekdays, there is no practical reason why I should wake up two hours earlier than necessary for me to get ready for work. But God has asked me to fellowship with my husband, so we wake up and start our day together in the Lord – 365 days a year. Paul tells the Ephesians in 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her …” It is my firm belief that this practice of morning fellowship time together falls under that instruction.

I will acknowledge that since our children are grown and gone, this is more easily accomplished by us these days than by couples with small children. It can, however, be done by couples with children – if not every day, then at least a few days a week. Couples who make this “togetherness” a habit can adapt and modify the fellowship time to fit into their family life and schedule. When your children are grown and gone, you will have established a practice that can then be made a 365-day-a-year blessing!

Work schedules may interfere with morning fellowship together. If that is your situation, find another time of day that you can share each other’s company.

And if you don’t drink coffee, there’s always tea! Sharing fellowship time at the beginning of the day – before work and chores and ministry service, etc. begin filling our minutes and hours – not only helps strengthen the Christian marriage, but it sends us out into the rest of the day better equipped to handle everything that life throws at us!

Make a practice of daily fellowship as a couple – you will be blessed beyond measure!

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Something In Common – Part 2

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Marriage is difficult enough when a couple is equally yoked! The concept that “love conquers all” sounds great, but it is not reality, when it comes to living as a Christian couple. Yes, love covers a multitude of sins (I Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”) Yes, we can “get along” with someone who does not share each and every one of our values. But, are you willing to settle for less than God’s perfect match for your helpmate for life?DeerEyes

My husband likes to tell people that I am his “rib.” He believes that, and so do I. The sort of deep love Peter is referring to is a love that sees the other person literally through the eyes of God. When you look at your sweetheart as though you are looking through God’s eyes, you will see what He sees. This makes all the difference in a marriage! God has nothing less than amazing in mind for you and your husband or wife. Why would anyone settle for less?

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

Something In Common – Part 1

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God cautions us, in II Corinthians 6:14 to be very careful about people with whom we “yoke” ourselves. Although this principle unequallyyokedshould also be applied to our business partnerships and close friendships, it is most critical to give this verse consideration when we are considering marriage.

All my life, I have heard people talk about the concept that “opposites attract.” Many people I have met over the years have entered into a serious relationship with and/or married someone with whom they have little or nothing in common, including their Christian beliefs. This is not God’s plan or desire for us. Marriage is full of challenges. Why add to the challenge by yoking yourself with someone who is not like minded?

In Something in Common – Part 2, I will continue this thought and commentary. A Christian believer yoking himself or herself with an unbeliever is ignoring God’s clear Word and inviting disaster.

That Kind of Love - Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Valentine

The Time is Right

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For several months now, God has been leading me to begin a blog that is geared toward the principles of love from a Christian perspective. This is the beginning of my answer to that call.

We all want to love and be loved. And most of us would be thrilled to have an “everyday valentine.” I am blessed to be one of the people who DOES! This blog will be my insights, backed up by God’s Word, into how anyone, male or female, can find that kind of love and live it out for a lifetime.